Hello!

This is a quick update to apologise for the lack of updates and, above all, of replies to comments/messages. I have been terribly busy this past month and I haven't had time yet to catch up with Livejournal. I don't know when I'll be able to, as I am now a mod of museslashawards and nomination period (aka reading period for my part) is about to start, so I'll be busy helping matturemuser running things in there. For those who commented on my last two fics and I haven't replied yet: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I APPRECIATE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU *hugs*

Hope all of you are doing well!

Hello!

Today I stumbled across this post on Tumblr and I thought some of you would be interested in reading it. It's about the importance of leaving feedback to the writers so they can know people are reading and liking/disliking their stories. It's mainly applied to Tumblr (and frankly, I've tried Tumblr as a fic platform and I think it's *awful* for interacting with the writer, so I can't understand why this post has been made in the first place because, if I wrote something like this, the first thing would be: read/write in platforms that allow you/the reader to have easy means of giving you feedback... But well, that's another matter alltogether), but it has several points that I agree with and I find interesting. I especially like the point about specific feedback; yes please! There isn't anything better that knowing *exactly* what worked for each reader. Of course, you can't ask each reader to give you a complete and thorough analysis on your style (god knows I don't do that as often as I would like) but, if there's something you really liked and want to talk about, do it!

However, on the specific feedback matter I don't agree with this line: "Want to influence our next fic? Tell us what you liked about this one and I bet you it will keep showing up!". That sounded to me like if you *have to* write the things as your readers like them. Yes of course, many things can influence in your writing, but just by telling me "I loved X thing" doesn't mean I have to include it the next fic if I don't think it worked. After all, it's our story, isn't it? We can't be complete slaves of our readers.

And now I want to quote the last paragraph fully:

"We can’t do this writing thing without you guys. So thank you so much! Without readers, we’re just talking to ourselves. We love and appreciate you for reading- but we need to know you’re doing it. We need feedback like we need air. Don’t let your favorite writers suffocate! :)"

Opinions and thoughts? I would like to see what my flist thinks of this. And yes, I know I have like tons of messages in my inbox and some are comments here in my LJ that I have to reply, and some PMs, and *hides in shame* I'll get to them, I promise. I'm so sorry for being so absent and not coming back to you at all, but I usually check LJ on my phone and I don't like writing there, so I always tell myself to wait until I get to the laptop to reply to things and... Not enough time to do so. That's the reason why I mostly just read fics (and not many, sorry MS friends) and leave very short comments, because 95% of times I'm on the phone. I'm really sorry, but as you know I graduate in June *maniac laughter of horror* and I'm SO stressed.

Hope you are all okay x

Hello.

I don't like biting around the bush with serious topics, even if I often do ir in real life, because I'm too nervous about how facing them. Thankfully, Internet allows me to go straight to the topic: I've decided to take a pause in writing.

Since around June, I have been lacking motivation to write the pairing that brought me here, i.e. Matthew Bellamy/Dominic Howard. At the start, I thought it was only a temporary block, but I think the problem runs deeper than that. This summer, I have lost confidence in my English writing, as I have realised I don't like what I do.

I'm 21 years old, I write as a hobby and I don't want to be a professional writer. However, I've been crafting a determined style since several years ago; it might not be a great style, it might take a lot from other writers, it might be quite clumsy yet, but it's my style. When English became my main writing language, this style had to dissapear, for two main reasons: 1) I didn't have enough vocabulary to make it as rich as it'd need, and 2) my English was so academic I couldn't find the spontaneity I needed.

I'm going to further develop that second point. What do I mean with "academic English"? This that you're reading. I have been taught to use correctly the grammar tenses according to the situations, to use more complex adjectives to express emotions, to use reported speech, to fill my writing with linkers of all types, to take care of the time expressions I use when I narrate something ("never forget you can't use 'here' if you're talking about a past situation, you have to use 'there'!"), etc., etc. That has been castrating my writing until heights I hadn't realise until now.

However, I have tried to fight that. I've done my best to overcome my lack of knowledge learning from other authors. That has given me good things, and also bad things. I've picked up many clichés, too many for my liking. While writing sex scenes, for instance, I have found myself recalling other authors' work to find the vocabulary I needed, the "basic lines" for each scene. Rereading my work, I find myself looking at sentences from a textbook, either the regular one or the "fanfic" one. And I don't like that, that isn't who I am.

Despite of writing being a hobby, I love what I do. I love seeing reviews of people telling me they liked what I wrote, they felt moved by it. I've been raised in a family in which my dad was the artistic one, the one who could draw amazingly without having ever been taught and the one who played guitar without even knowing the notes. I've felt for so long as I didn't have any artistic talent, despite how much I loved music or drawing. I've tried drawing for most of my childhood, without doing any real progress for years. I've tried photography, but I have never had enough means or patience to become of that a passion. And then, high school arrived. There my Spanish teachers told me they liked my writing, encouraged me to keep doing it; once, one teacher even told me of making writing my profession. I've seen my parents proud of me because of the literary contests I won in my school, my mum crying because of my writing. I discovered I had an artistic talent.

I'm a tremendous unsure person. My self esteem is really low and knowing that I was good in something... god, you can't ever imagine how I felt. But I don't get that sensation anymore when I write in English. I feel all I do is trying to be a person that isn't me. I feel fake. I don't like pretending to be a good author when I am not.

And please, don't start with the "but you are a good author". I could be much better. I'm suffocating in this language, trying to be something I cannot be, not yet at least. I need so much more practice, and I don't think posting my mistakes to the world is a good tactic. I don't want to be that author with good plot ideas but whose writing is boring, I don't want to be that person. I want to learn from my mistakes.

That's another problem I want to mention. I think betas are too nice. They should be much harsher, really kick me into writing better. I have made progress in the grammar aspect, but I think my writing is as plain as it was years ago. Don't you feel like betas nowadays aren't intrusive enough? Not talking about characters' POV, about plotholes, about repetitive speech, etc.? I always do that when I beta, or try to, because I'm always afraid of being an arsehole to the other person and not measure well enough my words when telling them their mistakes. I want to take this chance to try to open a discussion about the beta work: how do you beta? Do you censor yourself while betaing? Do you think you don't have rights to make suggestions about the writing style? What do you look for in a beta? Of course, this is also my fault, I should have told my betas I wanted a heavier betaing, but to be honest I didn't realise until two or third months ago how much I was unsatisfied with my style, and as I haven't written much since that moment, I can't blame them completely, because I didn't know what I needed before that. I want to apologise to my betas, for not telling them this when they were doing their work, I should have been more sincere with you; thank you for your patience and for what you have done for my stories, because my rule has always been never post in another language without a beta, and it's thanks to you that I have been able to explore this work. I hope you can understand me and, if we meet in the future, you won't hold back and really criticise my work. A beta shouldn't be afraid to speak their mind, an author needs feedback and to learn from their mistakes and other's suggestions.

I think the only way to learn how to write in English the way I want is reading, reading, reading and practicing. I plan to keep writing my stories, experiment with them, whenever I have time. But I don't think is a good idea to share them on the Internet anymore, I don't want to build a reputation over mistakes. My English stories will be private and I won't post them here.

I want to thank everybody who has helped me in this journey into English writing. I hope you can help me in the future too.

I also want to apologise to all my readers, I know what I'm doing is unfair to you, I've been there and I know it hurts when someone leaves with WIP's. I want to come back someday, when I feel comfortable with my work, when I feel I'm not pretending to be a milkshake of other authors' words, a page of a textbook, a shade of what I want to be. I can't promise anything, because I'm very futile in these aspects and I can pass years without writing more than a paragraph, just because I don't feel the need; there is a huge risk of me never coming back to the fandoms I'm writing for (who knows, maybe I stop writing fanfic all together), but at least I'm not abandoning the fandoms in itself. Never say never.

I hope you can understand my decision.

Love,

Nuraicha.

PS: Don't worry, I'll still be here on LJ!

Hello!

Today I was going to post only the next entry of the music meme, but I've been having these thoughts nagging me for ages and I've decided to write about it here, because two reasons: a) people isn't as harsh as it can be on Tumblr and b) I prefer the format and the less potential number of readers.

Therefore, I am going to talk about fandom. After months of thought, I've arrived to the conclusion that fandom life both fills and sucks your life out of you. Is this good? Probably not. Do we care? Absolutely not. Should we care? It depends on the case.

( Fandom thoughts. It could contain triggery stuff if you've had serious trouble with people from your fandoms )

Lately I've been thinking I need a rebirth. I hope I can do that some day (snowgrouse, send me the Master).


PS: I am talking in general. I repeat, IN GENERAL. If any of you feel affronted by any of this, please talk to me face to face and we'll sort our problems.

PS2: If you didn't notice, I opened my heart here. Treat carefully, I won't tolerate harsh comments.

Finally, finally exams have ended! I'm so happy right now because these two weeks have been stressing as hell. My life has been waking up, studying, breafast, more studying, going to bed; it has been so stressful even if, for the first time in so long, I've been keeping good schedules and I have been able to study all the subjects with time for revising before the exam.

( About how exams have gone )

Even if I say I'm free, that's not totally true because I still have to do my Doctor Who presentation for English next Thursday (rambling about my favourite show in front of 30 people? Cool! If it wasn't because my pronuntiation it's horrible :D) and, most important, a Greek assignment that I have to give next Friday and I didn't start. But still, it's better than studying, isn't it?

Next week we start the new term and subjects get even more technical (and we have... MATHS *funeral music in the background*) but... I'M GOING TO HAVE ARCHAEOLOGY OF EGYPT!!!! AT FUCKING LEAST!!!! \o/ I'm so going to get a good mark in this, as my name is Irene! o/

( About concert plan(e)s )

Anyway, I should continue writing the Doctor Who presentation. Should I talk about the Doctor's boyfriend or just saying that he's his best enemy? ;)

AND TONIGHT THEY PASS THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK AND I'M GOING TO CRY BECAUSE HAN *sobs*

Btw, I want to do the writer's meme, as I saw it in lots of journals when I was away. So I'll give it a try now that I'm back, ask away if you want :)


Have a good weekend, everyone!

PS: There might be an update of something #soon... Isn't it, zetastation? ;)
PS2: I have to change lots of things of this layout that I don't know and I hate CSS and *sobs* Well, I'll do it after finishing the homework, someday... Until that, apologies because I've been told the comments area is so light (and it is).

I finally have some place where I can post these kind of things, yay! I took this meme from snowgrouse, thanks <3

List of 2013 fics:

1. Words We'll Never Say (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master) [Spanish]
2. L'Inferno è Dentro Di Te, Ma Sembra Il Cielo (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master -more or less) [Spanish]
3. Undisclosed Desires (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master) [Spanish]
4. Under The Rain (Broadchurch, Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller)
5. Sognami Che Io Farò Lo Stesso (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master -more or less) [Spanish]
6. Cambiando Las Reglas [Spanish]/Changing The Rules (Muse, Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard)
7. The Woman Who Counted Three Years (Sherlock BBC, Sherlock Holmes, Molly Hooper -gen)
8. Touch My Soul With Your Fingertips (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master) [Spanish]
9. Baby, I'm In Control (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler) [Spanish]
10. Reglas Accidentales (Muse, Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard) [Spanish]
11. Flashing Lights (Muse, Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard)
12. All Over Again (Muse, Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard)
13. Last Time I'll Abandon You (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master) [Spanish]
14. Need (Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master) [Spanish]
15. Remembrance (Doctor Who, Eleventh Doctor/River Song -more or less)
16. Primera Noche (Doctor Who, Amy Pond/Rory Williams) [Spanish, published in a fanbook whose link doesn't work anymore]
17. Chasing His Starlight (Doctor Who, Eleventh Doctor -gen) [Spanish, published in a fanbook whose link doesn't work anymore]
18. Invincibile (Muse, Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard)
19. Hot Water (Muse, Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard)
20. Prompt Fever (Muse, Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard) [collab, on-going series]

( More fic meme! )



And yes, I know I'm on a hiatus but I wanted to do this! I wanted to make an entry with some updates in life but I'm not sure if I'll have the time, so I'll just say a few things:
1) I'm stressed but trying not to think much about it.
2) I have a cold.
3) In 2014 I'll meet a friend I haven't seen since 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!
4) I'll spend New Year with friends I haven't seen in two years and we'll have a lot of fun.
5) I watched the Muse dvd yesterday and gfdsijfdsagolgngdkdndlñhoisngf
6) You should read The Curious Incident of the Dog at Night Time. Great book, really.
7) I watched The Desolation of Smaug and I didn't like it as much as I did with the first movie.
8) MATT SMITH IS LEAVING IN CHRISTMAS AND IT WILL BE THE FIRST REGENERATION I WILL LIVE AND OMG.
9) I'm inmensely grateful for a few things that had happened in 2013:
-The 50th Anniversary of Doctor Who and the whole whovian vibe we had had.
-Going to London.
-Getting to know snowgrouse: you are an incredible friend and I love you so much! THANKS.
-Starting to listen to Muse, writing Belldom and knowing so many amazing people in Muse Slash. I can't name all of you, but you should know who you are! Thanks you!
-Conrad Veidt.
10) MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Finally I managed to get inspiration for some timecock!!!! I hadn't writen Ten/Simm!Master since July! \o/

Even if it's only Ten angsting, introspection and set around LotTL (why my fics are always about that?), I'm happy because I've been struggling with writing since a while, and I was especially worried I couldn't write about my timelords in love anymore!

So yes, thank you Muse for being my timecock muse again <3

Btw, the fic is in Spanish, but in case anyone was interested here it is. It was inspired by Stockholm Syndrome, and like I'm feeling generous I'll leave you with the exact video I was watching (it's amazing).

07:30 am, the alarm is ringing
After nights of cocaine and havana club
I wake up inside a nightmare
It seems almost madness
This life isn't mine
Is like a punch in the stomach
Look at the sky for a moment
And you'll see it'll change

If you want everything is possible
Nothing is unachievable
Without limits
If you want you could live
An unrealisable dream
Without limits

I jump into the car and I run away
In a film, in a photograph
Towards the world of the fairy tales
But a strange melody
Shakes the reality
Now everything is another music
Look at the sky for a moment
And you'll see it'll change

If you want everything is possible
Nothing is unachievable
Without limits
If you want you could live
An unrealisable dream
Without limits


Tutto è possibile - Finley (live @ Circolo Degli Artisti, Rome, 09/11/12)
(Crap quality, I know. But I was there so this video means so much. Here the official video)

I just felt like posting this here. I know you don't know Finley, but they're my life, and this is my journal so... they have to be here. And nowadays, already beginning to feel stressed about the university stuff, I need this song to cheer me up. Thanks to this song I have achieved a lot of stuff in my life, and it has helped me to cope with a lot of shit. When I was there, the past november, I remember I started crying because they showed me you really, really, can do whatever you want if you believe enough on it and fight for achieving it. And being there, seeing them on stage for the first time in 5 years, proved me everything is possible.

(Also, the translation of the lyrics is mine)

(Note to self: stop translating lyrics that are already translated and go and translate your fucking fic)

Holy shit, I think I will never change my LJ again. Having to delete everything in the old one and fixing things in this it has been stressful.

But yes, this a new beginning for me in Livejournal! I hope I start to actually publish in here more than in the old one, that I only used to comment on other LJ's and mainly in fics...

Also, talking about fics, I'll post one soon... But I'm too
a) lazy
b) scared to actually post something
at the moment, so I don't know when it would be. But the time has come (although this fic was posted months ago on my AO3, but this is the English tranlation so yeah...)

I'm also lazy to make a proper post to introduce myself. But I think I've told enough on my profile for starting (?).

PS: Why my LJ "introducing" posts are always this bad?